When I was a kid, my parents let me do, go, wear, read, listen to, hang out with whoever or whatever I felt drawn to with very few rules so when I got married, I hadn't realised how suffocated I'd become with having to work with restrictions. When I made the decision to survive, I left my family and moved into a an old character home I bought with my settlement money. It felt like being let out of prison and I went crazy. I bought what I wanted, redecorated and surrounded my self with anything that inspired me. And just before I painted my bedroom bright yellow, I wrote these affirmations on the wall behind the door that my bed faced and even though they didn't feel true, I read them over and over until I wanted them to be.
After a few years of having other people tell me what was wrong with me and what I needed to do about it, I realised that the issue was what I told myself and I had to change the soundtrack in my head so I stopped any medical intervention and went it alone. Over the 10 years it took me to overcome the obsessive compulsive disorder I'd had since a toddler, the suicidal depression I battled everyday from the age of 14, the addictions to drugs, alcohol and gambling I developed later, the debt and being a mother who left her children, the most effective technique was flooding my senses with positivity and inspiration. Any environment that I had control over had pictures, books, clothes, movies, music and people that mirrored love and strength, even if I didn't always feel it at the time, and eventually the soundtrack in my head became a remix of potential I could grow into.
Pimp My Attitude
This is where I think out loud as I transform my appearance, thought processes and most of all, attitude - no matter how unpretty.