You know how I'm this weirdo who's always hinting that she's an overachiever at Getting Over Addictions And Mental Illness? Well I just realised that over the past year I've been working on and overcome an addiction I didn't even know I had.
I've already bored you enough with wah-wah money stuff but what I spend it on when I get it has taken on whole new priorities.
Some of the changes, however, have been ironically so much better for the environment. I don't know if I'll ever be as efficient as Meliors who's carbon footprint is so small she could accidentally feed it to her beloved chickens if she wasn't careful but through necessity, I've changed some of my own eco awareness processes that have now become habit.
I feel this eerie sense of being in a period of calm before a (life-changing pleasant) storm so I wanted to share a few of them with you for two reasons...One: When money does start flowing again, I want you to know my intentions for it so there are no surprises and Two: I want to have this record to remind myself if I'm tempted by bright shiny sparkly NEW things. The biggest aspect of getting through an addiction is having faith that you're going to be alright and that you'll make the right decision when you're faced with temptation. This list will help me make the right decision when tempted...
I will always try to be as environmentally conscious as I can but my commitment is to either Recycling/Reusing or Converting.
The thought process in the shower when I had this realisation went like this...
I want to never have to worry about money...actually...apart from finding the $90 each week for balance of rent, I'm already not worried about money!
So the last point is that if and when I'm anyone worth anything, all I'll ask is that my expenses are paid for me (ie: I don't have to worry about them). Just between you and me, I've learnt a valuable lesson from this set up...the arrangements other people make for me give me a clue to how they perceive me and/or my value to them - which has nothing to do with money of course.
An example is my dear friend John Washington.
I met him at a Hari Krishna meal. He'd been sleeping outdoors so I offered for him to stay a few nights on my couch while my flatmate was away. He was the most respectful, considerate, humble house guest I'd ever had. He'd been in the reserves and patiently taught me how to roll my clothes up when I pack them to reduce creasing and space. He was so grateful to have a few nights indoors that I was surprised and thrilled when he insisted that he treat me to dinner in town. He stated a time that I thought meant a booking so we walked into town to get there early. As we got closer to the building I could see he was really proud to be with me. His chest was puffed up and he nodded and said hello to everyone as he opened the doors for me, lead me in then pulled out my chair. As we looked around, we saw that the other diners were already eating then John looked back at me and said with such pride "You don't get good meals like this at those other fancy restaurants now do you?!"
We were at the Soup Kitchen and he was right. I couldn't think of anywhere where we would have been able to get such delicious soup then sausages, mashed potatoes, peas and gravy for dinner.
As he gathered our empty plates to take them up to the kitchen, he leaned over and with glee in his eyes, whispered "And there's even dessert!"
The whole meal cost him $2 and I felt like I'd been treated like a princess.
My situation hasn't improved yet but because my need to show gratitude for your support overrides my need for money, here's my gift to you...it's probably only worth $2 but it feels like the most precious thing I have to give right now...
I know you might not get it and even if you do, it's not going to change your life but all I ask is that if you have a reaction to any of it - good, bad or ambivalent - please share it with me...
Pimp My Attitude
This is where I think out loud as I transform my appearance, thought processes and most of all, attitude - no matter how unpretty.